Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mothers Day

Today is mothers day.  Jon wrote the previous completely surprised me.  I had no idea he even knew our "blog address"!  I was in tears reading it (literally) because I was laughing so hard, could completely relate and because I love him so much. In so many ways he makes my being a mother so much easier.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful mom who taught me so much and loved me.  Not until you have children do you realize how much your parents really love you.  It is an amazing thing how much love our hearts can hold for our children.  I love the pictures above because they represent the two days, July 21st (elle's b-day) and December 13th (gwen's b-day), that I officially became a mother.  I love those pictures.  They were taken so shortly after our girls were born.  I feel so blessed to be a mom, more specifically, Elle and Gwen's mom.  I have always known what an amazing gift being a mother is.  I feel blessed that I understand that even though somedays seem monotonous, they are not meaningless.  As mind numbing as unloading the dishwasher AGAIN can be, or breaking up a fight, or having to rationalize for 15 minutes why patent leather shoes are not a good idea for a school field trip, I still get the bigger picture.  There really is nothing more important that I could be doing right now than raising our girls.  Yes, I get burned out.  In fact, Jon called home the other day and I was being really quiet on the phone.  he said, "hey, where are you"?  I didin't know if I should start laughing or crying but I sheepishly said, "I am sitting in the dark in our garage on the floor...I needed a break and I am drinking a diet coke.  I can't talk too loudly or they will find me".  Yes I have days that seem like they last for months but when I look at the girls asleep in their little beds, they are growing up much too quickly!  I feel blessed that I can stay at home with them and hug them and hold them tight when they are sad or happy.  I love that we can put music on and dance in the kitchen while they help me clean.  (Elle's favorite cleaning song is "Boogie Shoes" and Gwen gets a big crooked smile on her face and dances by turning around and around in a circle).  I love when Jon puts them in bed with me in the morning before he leaves for work and we watch cartoons together. There is an amazing essay on motherhood from the author, Anna Quindlen.  My friend Elizabeth quoted her today in a talk she gave at church.  This quote from the essay that she shared has been ringing in my ears all day.  
"The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this (being a mom).  I did not live in the moment enough.  This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.  There is one picture of the three of my children sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1.  And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.  I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed.  I wish I had treasued the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less".  

I try to whisper in my girls ears throughout the day, "I love being your mommy". I said it to Elle the other night as I was putting her in her bed.  I thought she was asleep.  She whispered back to me, "I love being your Ellers" with her eyes still shut.  Those are the moments that I will hold on to forever.  That is what being a mom is all about.  I adore these sweet little angels that I was given to care for.  I dreamed that I would be their mom from before they were born.