Show Time

I walked downstairs this morning to find Gwen on the kitchen island.  She was in her pajamas (which happen to be mine from when I was a little girl...you can see where my great grandma stitched my name on the front).  Elle had turned music on for her from our computer and she was dancing and lip syncing.  Gwen even pulled out a rose for her microphone.  I loved it.  The girls are not allowed on the counter but how could I put an end to this? When I first came downstairs she was dancing to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies".  There was bum tapping and some very funny moves.  By the time I got my camera however, Elle (our resident DJ) had slowed it down a bit and put on a song from the movie Tinkerbell.  Gwen calls it her fairy song.  She was VERY serious and I loved every minute.

Gwen's hair makes her look like a ragamuffin.  The reason:  I found scissors and a big pile of hair on the table the other day.  I can now check this off of my list.  I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.  I think it is a rite of passage for little ones. 

Lily: 15 Weeks

Answers to: Lily Pie, Lillers, Lulu, Lil 

Loves: her binky ('soothies' only), pink blanket, being swaddled, to smile, being held

Firsts:  holds her head up,  sits in the 'bumbo' (and loves it), awake and alert during the day

I frequently whisper in her ear just like I do to elle and gwen, "out of all the babies in heaven how did I get the very best one"?  3 for 3 is not a bad average.  

We LOVE our Lily.  

Picture credit...elizabeth. ( I told you she was good) 

My Miracle

I almost lost this one.  It still haunts me some nights when I close my eyes.  I picture the whole accident in my mind.  I can't believe it has been 9 months since she was hit by a car.  I recently had to read over the police reports and was reminded again of what a miracle it is to have her still with us.  I have not written down the events that happened that day and I do want to record it.  We were in a strip-mall parking lot.  I was 5 months pregnant with Lily and I had Elle and Gwen with me.  Gwen stepped off of the curb right as a truck was entering the parking lot.  My back was turned so I did not see it happen, but I did hear it. I ran to the front of the truck and Gwen was underneath.  Her body was under the truck behind the front passenger tire.  The truck was not completely on top of her but she was wedged underneath the tire.  I pulled her out and sat on the ground holding her.  Someone yelled that they were calling 911.  As I held her, she was quiet.  No crying.  Her eyes were rolled back in her head and she had blood coming out of her mouth.  Her little body was limp but she was breathing.  I just remember quietly whispering in her ear, "please, please, please don't leave me".  I repeated that over and over again.  Elle stood by me with tears running down her cheeks.  She tapped me on my shoulder and said, 'mama, I am sad about Gwen".  I told her to say a prayer.  I just kept rocking her in my arms not wanting her to drift away.  It was horrible.  The police arrived quickly as did the ambulence.  They put her on a stretcher and said I had to sit in the front seat and not with her.  There was not enough room for Elle so I had to leave her there with the police which was heartbreaking.  As we sped to the hospital with the sirens going I kept speed dialing my Jon.  I didn't even know what to say to him. When we got to the ER they were waiting for us outside. Gwen was not in good shape.  She had a collapsed lung, 5 broken ribs, a broken arm, dislocated elbow and severe road rash.  The doctors two main concerns were possible trauma to her brain and her collapsed lung.  She was having trouble breathing and they had to immediatley put a chest tube in her to drain the blood out.  The doctors had me stay in there with her and told me to keep talking to her.  She needed to hear my voice, they said.  I got a hold of Jon and he met me in the ER.  She was put on a ventilator because she was unable to breathe on her own.  After a few hours we were taken up to the Pediatric ICU with her.  They put her in a medically induced coma.  I kept going over and over the accident in my mind trying to change it.  I felt so responsible.  I had not protected her and that is my main responsibility as her mom.  I remember her going in for a cat scan. Waiting for the results was torture.  They were assuming that she would have pretty severe trauma to the brain.  When we were told that her brain looked normal, my heart felt so much relief.  Our new concern would be getting her to breathe on her own.  Many, many prayers were offered in her behalf.  For that I am forever grateful.  Our prayers were answered and my sweet Gwen pulled through.  I remember the day they pulled the breathing tube out of her.  We had tried previously, unsuccessfully, and those were hard days.  To see your baby struggling with something as basic as breathing, is hard.  We waited another week and they tried again and this time they were successful.  They took her out of her medically induced coma and I was able to see her first breaths on her own.  Without being connected to all of the machines, I was now able to hold her for the first time in 12 days.  I will NEVER forget that moment. 

   

I will also never forget the many, many people that sent us their love, that kept us in their prayers and were so, so kind.  I have not been able to thank everyone and for that I am so sorry. We were overwhelmed with love.  Your love.  

Gwen is our miracle.  She is in our lives.  It wasn't her time to go.  It just wasn't.  I get to continue to be her mom, to mother her.  For this gift I will be forever grateful.  

My Lily

These pictures are priceless to me.  The best gift ever from my dear friend, Elizabeth.  

Our House

Guess who came to our house this morning?  Elizabeth!  My dear friend Elizabeth is a professional photographer.  She's the real deal. Last week Elizabeth asked me to go to her home and take a few photos of her and her 4 week old little baby boy. I was sweating a bit but went for it. In turn, she agreed to come and photograph me and Lily here at my home. Well, let's just say it was not a fair trade. She is wildly more talented in the photography department than myself...but hey, who would pass up that offer?  She understands all too well that when you are the photographer in the family, there are not many mom and child photos. I will post a few of the photos that I love.  To start, this is one of my favorites... Elle, Gwen, Lily and me at our front door.  I love you, Elizabeth for doing this. Thank you!!!

Trick or Treat

       

I love Halloween night.  I remember being so excited about trick-or-treating when I was young that I would barely be able to eat dinner.  I also remember loving Halloween because that meant my  mom would put make-up on me.  Elle and Gwen lined up in front of the mirror before they headed out the door for some blush, mascara and lip gloss.  They were in heaven! Our neighborhood is a really fun one on Halloween.  Lots of kids, parents and grandparents trick-or-treating.  I love it.  We went to the pumpkin patch earlier in the day where the girls each picked out their own pumpkins.  While Gwen napped, Elle and I carved the jack-o-lanterns.  When it got dark, Jon took Elle and Gwen up and down our neighborhood streets while Lily and I passed out candy.  They came home with bags full of candy and very sticky faces.  A successful night for sure.  

Lily the Skeleton

Elle the Lady Bug

Gwen the Bumble Bee

Elle

Elle is my mama's girl.  She loves to hang out with me (which I LOVE).  Whenever I get my nails done I usually take her with me.  The last time we went she chose "spooky colors".  She asked  for black with orange polka-dots and spider webs on her thumbs.  She feels very grown-up.  She also professed that she does NOT suck her thumb anymore.  Apparently only babies suck their thumbs.  She now thinks it is gross...but sometimes she forgets.   

Lily...

I love being your mama.

My Happy Baby

It's official...I am completely and totally in love.  In love with my Lily.  She will be 12 weeks old tomorrow. This little girl has been nothing but happy since the day we brought her home.  Her little spirit is so peaceful and sweet.  If you smile at her she effortlessly smiles right back.  She still loves her binky and loves to be swaddled.  Her cheeks are starting to fill out and I couldn't be happier.  We have a  basinette in our kitchen/family room where Lily lounges during the day.  I catch her watching me and smiling as I am doing dishes or running after Elle and Gwen. It melts me.  I feel so much responsibility to my girls.  I have been given these little ones to care for.  To love and to teach them...to help them develop to their fullest potential.  Lily's journey has just begun and I feel so blessed to be a part of it.  I am and always will be her number one fan.  

Elle and Gwen's Bedroom

After Gwen jumped out of her crib, I knew it was time to move her to a real bed.  Lily has now taken up residence in Gwen's old room and Elle and Gwen now share a room.  We had to get rid of Elle's double bed and get twin beds.  The best part was that I was able to put together a new room...one of my very favorite things to do.  I love the look of two twin beds in a little girls room...always have.  I had a small milk glass lamp with a linen shade on the sidetable but Gwen knocked it off, it broke and that was the end of that.  I have a few more things I would like to do in there to finish it but for now, I think it looks pretty cute. Most importantly, Elle and Gwen love it too.  

My two favorite pieces of furniture are the antique side table and armoire.  I purchased them a few years back from one of my very favorite shops, French Blue and Co.  I have mentioned the shop before when I wrote about another favorite piece I have from them, an antitque ceramic lamp.  Not only do I love the shop but I love the owner, Janet.  She and her daughters go on buying trips to Paris and bring home treasures that they add to their shop.  Maybe one day they won't notice if I sneak into their suitcase for the trip...

Gwendolyn

I love my ballerina girl.  Gwen is in a little ballet class every Thursday morning.  She loves it. When we returned home this morning, the light in her bedroom was so pretty.  I grabbed my camera and took a few candids of my girl.  I love her so much.  Two nights ago Jon and I woke up to hear her crying in her room.  We both ran in to see what the problem was.  She must have just had a bad dream.  She kept saying, "mama, mama".  I hopped into bed with her and she pulled me in close.  It took just a minute to calm her down.  I held her and quietly sang a few of her favorite songs.  She was able to quickly drift back to sleep.  I was reminded of how grateful I am to be a mom, Gwen's mom.  I am one lucky mama to call this little one mine.  

Lily's Baby Blessing

On Sunday we blessed our sweet baby Lily at church.  Jon gave the blessing and it was beautiful.  It was a very special day.  

The After Party

After church we had family over to our home for dinner.  Elle stayed up late the night before to help me cook.  She felt very grown-up.  We had homemade chicken tortilla soup, a big salad with cilantro dressing, fruit and texas sheet cake with vanilla bean ice cream for dessert.  The perfect ending to a very special day. 

I Tried

Elle has been begging me to decorate for Halloween. While she was at school I tried to get things a little more festive around here. I thought I had done a pretty good job. Orange door mat and berry wreath, orange flowers and a tin ghost in the kitchen and pumpkins on the mantel. Well, when she came home her little face did not look too excited. She just look confused.

Apparently nothing is very scary and "white pumpkins do not count as real pumpkins they are just a vegetable". That comment made me laugh out loud. Little does she know how hard I searched to find real white and blue pumpkins. I love them. I think she was invisioning the Lowe's halloween isle that we had recently been to when she asked me to decorate for this holiday. Nothing mechanical or screaming in sight around here...I am a total disappointment. I have a sneaky feeling however that someday when she is a mommy she too will go on the hunt for white and blue pumpkins.

The Three Amigos

I love these little girls.  Elle had Jane and Brinley over to play yesterday.  As you can see our dress-up box is a big hit.  Elle is a lucky little girl to have such good friends.  

Yep...it's permanent

Gwen came upstairs looking just like this.  The worst part was that she was holding a permanent marker instead of one of our washable ones.  Jon started telling her that markers are only for paper etc etc when I started thinking... Gwen's markings looked awfully like cat whiskers. 

 Gwen could never have done that on her own.  I quickly called for Elle to join us.  I looked right at Elle and said, "I know you did this". Without Gwen being able to speak as fluently as she would like to, she was unable to place the blame on her sister.  Elle was stunned that I had figured this out.  Jon took Gwen into the bathroom and started trying to get the permanent marker off of her.  We were both trying not to laugh.  Jon whispered to me, "get the camera". Elle saw me taking pictures and immediately started crying.  She kept saying, "please, please do not take pictures and show the whole city that I was naughty" (I love that she used the word city).  Well, I couldn't resist.  So all of you out there in our city...don't tell Elle you saw this.  

My Daughter

Yesterday morning I said good bye to my Elle before kindergarten and told her to have a fun day and that I would miss her while she was gone.  She looked at me and said, "mama, just get your camera and take a picture of me and then if you get sad you can look at my picture and you won't be sad anymore".  How could I pass that up?  

Elle has been a roller coaster of emotions lately.  I am sure it has to do with having a new member of our family combined with starting kindergarten.  Lots of changes around here.  I have just been trying to take it in stride.  The other day she was upset with me because I did one pony tail in her hair instead of two.  She had a complete and total melt down.  We were running too late for me to redo her hair.  The whole drive to kindergarten she sat in the backseat sobbing.  I told her that this was a little crazy and that as soon as she settled down we could talk about it. So there she sat...with a wet, puffy face in her booster seat in the back of our car.  All she kept repeating through her sobs was, "mama, do you not love your daughter?  your daughter is crying and you don't care?  how come you don't care about your crying daughter"?  My "daughter"???  Leave it to Elle to add that little extra dramatic touch.  It was all I could do to not laugh.  Straight faced I responded back to her in 3rd person.  I told her that I love "my daughter" very much and that "my daughter" was being a little bit dramatic considering this whole scene was all about a pony tail.  Before she got out of the car I pulled over and had her come and sit on my lap up in the driver seat.  How could I send her out the door like that?  We talked about some different ways she could have handled her disappointment in her hairdo.  I told her that I would do two pony tails in her hair the next day and that either way, she looked beautiful. She calmed down, I gave her a kiss and out the door she went.  

I think things are settling down for her now.  She is in more of a routine and is loving kindergarten.  I am sure I have many years of these occasional emotional outbursts ahead of me.  I just hope that "my daughter" will always know that "her mom" loves and adores her.  

Playdate

Gwen had her little friend Malia over to play.  They are so cute together.  All they wanted to do was play dress-up and dance.  The costume changes were endless but the song remained the same.  Miley Cyrus', "Party in the USA" was on repeat...and very loud.  Here they are putting on a show for me on our "stage".  How funny is Gwen's microphone...I love this age.  

Heaven

Lily fell asleep in my arms early this morning. Before Jon left for work I asked him to grab the camera. I have so few pictures of me with my girls. Lily was so peaceful and I loved it so much I didn't put her back in her basinette. I held her like this until Elle and Gwen woke up. I heard them tip-toeing down the stairs trying not to wake me. They were so quiet I knew they were up to something. I found them in the garage with popsicles. Before I know it Lily will be joining them in their escapades. But for now, I am enjoying her just like this.